By: Westside Wellness Consultant Harriette Luscombe
With World Mental Health Day taking place this October, this year’s international focus centres on a vital truth: “Lived experiences heard: real voices, real change.”
It sounds simple enough. We hear people speak all day long: in team stand-ups, over coffee, in performance reviews, and across our kitchen tables. But there is a profound difference between hearing someone’s words and ensuring that person feels genuinely heard.
In a fast-paced workplace and culture that rewards quick answers, problem-solving, and instant replies, true listening has become a rare skill. Often, when someone opens up to us about stress, burnout, or personal challenges, our instinct is to step in, offer advice, or fix the problem immediately.
Yet, research in psychological safety shows that what people need most during times of distress isn’t a silver bullet or quick advice – it is empathic, non-judgemental presence.
Here is what being a “good listener” actually looks like, how active listening works in practice,
and how bringing a touch of Non-Violent Communication (NVC) can transform your
everyday conversations.
Active Listening: Beyond Just “Not Talking”
Active listening is not merely staying quiet until it is your turn to speak. It is an intentional,
structured posture of engagement that communicates: “I am fully present with you right now,
without judgement.”
To move from passive listening to active engagement, focus on three core shifts:
● Resist the “Fix-It” Reflex: When someone shares a struggle, our urge to solve it often
stems from our own discomfort with their pain. Jumping straight to advice (“Have you
tried…?” or “You should just…”) can unintentionally invalidate their emotion. First, focus on
understanding, not solving.
● Anchor Your Attention: Multitasking during a sensitive conversation (checking
notifications, glancing at emails, or scanning the room) signals that the speaker’s
experience is secondary. Turn off screens, make warm eye contact, and give your full
physical presence.
● Hold Space for Silence: Pauses in conversation are not empty spaces that need filling;
they are processing time. Giving someone 3 to 5 seconds of silent reflection often allows
them to go deeper into what they are actually feeling.
What are they actually trying to say?
Developed by psychologist Dr Marshall Rosenberg, Non-Violent Communication (NVC) is a
framework designed to foster deep empathy and connection. When applied to listening, NVC
shifts our focus from evaluating what someone says to understanding what they are feeling
and needing.
In everyday workplace or personal conversations, people don’t always express what they mean
or their distress calmly and clearly. Stress often comes out as frustration, detachment, or
criticism. NVC teaches us to listen behind the surface words:
A. Differentiate Observations from Judgements
When someone speaks, listen purely to the facts of what happened without adding labels.
● Surface Statement: “My team leader is completely incompetent and micro-managing me!”
● Active Listening Translation: “They are experiencing friction with how their work is being
reviewed.”
B. Tune In to the Emotion (Feelings)
Ask yourself: What is this person feeling right now? (e.g. overwhelmed, anxious, undervalued,
isolated).
● Rather than arguing with their assessment, validate the emotion: “It sounds like you’re
feeling really overwhelmed by how much oversight is happening right now.”
C. Connect to the Underlying Need
In NVC, every emotional reaction stems from an underlying human need that is either being
met or unmet: such as autonomy, clarity, trust, rest, or appreciation.
● When someone expresses distress, ask yourself what need is missing: “They are seeking
more trust and autonomy in their role.”
By listening for the need behind the complaint, you de-escalate tension and move from
defensiveness to genuine empathy.
The 3-Step Active Listening Framework
If a colleague, partner, or friend approaches you to share a challenge this World Mental Health
Day, use this simple 3-step conversational flow:
[ 1. Reflective Echo ] ➜ [ 2. Emotional Validation ] ➜ [ 3. Open Exploration ]
- The Reflective Echo (Paraphrasing): Repeat back the essence of what you heard in your
own words to ensure clarity.
○ “What I’m hearing is that the workload deadline shifted without notice, and that’s put
huge pressure on your week.” - Emotional Validation: Acknowledge their internal state without attempting to minimise it.
○ “That sounds incredibly stressful, and it makes total sense why you’re feeling drained.” - Open Exploration: Instead of offering immediate solutions, ask open-ended questions
that empower them to guide the next step. - “What would be most helpful for you right now – do you want to brainstorm solutions
together, or do you just need space to vent?”
Building a Culture of Hearing Across Our Community
Real change in workplace mental health doesn’t begin with grand policy statements; it begins in
one-on-one conversations.
When managers, leaders, and colleagues commit to listening deeply – hearing not just the
status updates, but the real human experiences behind them – we build environments rich in
psychological safety.
This World Mental Health Day, challenge yourself to have one intentional conversation. Put
away your phone, set aside the fix-it reflex, and offer someone the powerful gift of being fully
heard.
Conversation Starters for World Mental Health Day:
● Instead of “How are you?” get specific – “How are you feeling about that big meeting?”
● Instead of “You look tired”, try “I noticed things have been intense lately – how are you
holding up?”
● Instead of – “Your diary looks busy this week”” try “How can I best support you this week?”
Photo
Photo Credit:- Ninthgrid
